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| Bullying 1

Bullying requires a concerted effort at examining the underlying insecurity and its attendant efforts to control others. It appears that much bullying behaviour has its origins in the home through unconscious modelling by disconnected parents, which creates disconnected parenting, resulting in disconnected children. Parents themselves may be modelling such behaviour because of their stress and perceptions of inadequacy around their own lives, which can cause a sense of disconnection from themselves as well as their children.
This disconnection also has ramifications in the manner in which bullying is dealt with. A disconnected parent or guardian may not want to deal with bullying, or may want to deal with it quickly, rather than look at it more deeply and carefully. For example if a child tells an adult about the misbehaviour or bullying of another child, the adult may simplistically view the situation as one child attempting to get another child into trouble. They may regard the child as being a tell-tale, and consider them to be mean (which happens fairly often), but we need to realise that children, just like adults, also have legitimate complaints that need to be dealt with by someone other than themselves.
We must also realise that there is a difference between a child who has legitimate complaints and voices them to an adult, in order to seek some form of common ground and connection, versus a child who is expressing disconnection, and being mean or trying to get another child into trouble.
Alternately, simplistically telling both children to sort it out between themselves, in a one size fits all approach, may occasionally work, however many children will stubbornly refuse to negotiate around minimising their misbehaviour with another child, when an adult is not present.
For bullying support please phone your local Support organisation.

© Aaron John Beth’el

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